Dear Diary,

I have begun to see the amusements in my life.  Just when I'm getting out of grieving, another obstacle just slammed itself into my way.  I am starting to wonder whether I'm a misfortune-attracting magnet or what.  Maybe it all has to do with what a big monster I am....

But back to the point....I was just kicked out of my house....now what?

Jainie

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hey people, sorry I didn't realize that there are actually some people reading this...hehehehe....it has been a long time so it'll take me awhile before I'm back on track. *^^*

Dear Diary,

I'm back.  Yes, I'm feeling a lot better now.  And no, I'll not ever try to commit suicide again.  I realize there's more to life when Derek saved me.  There's definitely more to life.  And my life for now will be living for my mom.  She died because of me, and I will continue living for her sake.  As a...punishment.

I know that doesn't sound like something my mom will want me to do.  But I can not forgive myself of the thing I had done.  Maybe I did not do it consciously, but I caused my mother to die.  That, I will have to live with. 

But now, to continue living, I need to find a place to live.  I don't have a guardian, so how am I supposed to find a place to live?  An orphanage doesn't sound quite appealing to me, especially I'm old enough to take care of myself.  So what other option is available?

Love, Jainie

Dear Diary,

Oh my gosh, there's no time for anything anymore!  I've finally feeling better about myself espeically because....that..hasn't been showing up lately.  But I just found out that I have a lot of problems that I need to deal with. 

For one, I'm a minor living in a house with _no_ guardian.   And that's something that I couldn't help.  My own aunt didn't want me.  And I don't have any living relative besides her!  And whose fault is that?  MINE!  If only...if only...if only I didn't do that...

Dear Diary,

As if the fate of mine and Derek had entertwined.  I finally saw him again.  No, not in front of the school, but IN school.  Yes, diary, he was in my class.  I personally wonder how could I missed seeing him in my class.  He was a bright, shiny guy.  Apparently, he moved to the town a month ago and became the most gorgeous, most perfect guy for a date in the school.  I personally don't know why.  He sure didn't catch my eye the first time I "supposedly" met him (which was probably when the teacher introduced him except I was busy talking to my so-called friends).  But he is just an average boy in my class.  Oh well, the girls probably crave his arrogance because he sure have a lot.  Actually, I would say he sure have a lot of problems, but since he actually saved my life and had kept quiet about it, I would be nice to him...sort of...

Love, Jainie

Dear Diary,

I saw Derek again today morning.  As usual, I got up quite early and walked to school.  And there, where I was yesterday, Derek stood. 

"So you feelin' better?" he asked. 

I hesistated a little.  I still couldn't trust him too well.  I already had scars from the friends I trusted in the past.  But I replied anyways, "Yeah."

"That's good to hear," he nodded and swung his backpack over his shoulders.  "See ya in class!"

"Wait!" I shouted.  It really did trouble me...why and how he was here before I was.  Nobody ever done that before.  "Why are you here at school this early?"

Derek shrugged, "Why are you?"

"Because I always do," I replied.  "And you, how come I'd never seen you before?"

Derek turned around slowly, his mouth shaped bitterly, "Maybe you never noticed me before."  Then he entered the building.

I don't know why.  But I felt like maybe I should have pay more attention to my surroundings.  It could be because of Derek but I rather not think he has any effect on me.  Afterall, I'm all alone now.

Love, Jainie